Anti Statement
Ritual. Spiritual. Spirituality. What constitutes spirituality? What constitutes spiritual practice? Is it the repetition, near obsessive patterns that emerge in thinking, in process? Spirituality and religion are similar but different. Religion implies institution. Institutionalized thought. Do I need to fear an institution? I do not think so. My spirituality is my practice. The way I meditate. On subject. In process. Rock and rock. Tie and tie. Cut and tear and pull and crank and pull again until it's all said and done.
What makes a ritual? A contemporary ritual? An adaptation. A twist. A reappropriation of philosophy. A wink and a nudge at a past tradition, a past life. A push forward and acceptance and reconciliation. A queering of subject, material, concept, history. Queer. Queering. A queer ritual. Making the familiar strange and other. A deliberate push away. How are queer sacred spaces formed? What does it mean to queer space, material, meaning? The dance with a stranger in a utopic nightclub basement. Ecstasy in pleasure and pain and uncertainty and desire as bodies grow closer in a physical, emotional, spiritual sense. The interchange of body heat between two partners deep in a spiritual connection with each other, ultimately transcending the plane they exist on and ceasing time as they know it.
Two partners. Two. dual. Duel. two things working in tandem. Working in opposition. Can opposing entities work in tandem? A fight between clashing ideologies and a collision of oppositional thoughts manifest. What binaries do I give into? What binaries do I actively attempt to dismantle? Art versus porn. Clean versus dirty. Pure versus profane. Public versus private. Self versus other. Pitted together until one falls at the hands of the other that emerges victorious. Are they polar opposites or existing in a spectrum of in betweenness? Are they singular or multiple?
Singularity. A mythic monolith. Can anything ever truly be singular? Is there multiplicity in singularity? Can one singular thing be multiple in nature? Multiplicity. Multiple layers. Multiple iteration. Multiple personas. Each with history and purpose. Each making themselves appear in different ways. Each distinct but somehow facets of the same being. Slowly merging together as their respective ecosystems collapse into one another forming the singular life one must live. But is it ever truly singular?
Persona. A funny thing isn’t it. How is persona synthesized? How is persona performed? Am I constantly performing a persona? What does my true persona, my true self look like? Alex the artist, Alexander the athlete, Pluto the porn star. Each with purpose. With emphasis. With presence. With body.
Body. My body. My vessel. How is my body a vessel for my lived experiences? Those experiences that my mind may not remember but my body recollects so clearly. An archive. Am I a living archive? unearthing aspects and facets of myself buried under years on years on years of internalized shame. Ciphering through the rubble to rediscover aspects of myself that I thought had been lost. Discovery. Rediscovery. What happens when my histories are rediscovered? What was lost is found and reinterpreted in ways the original would not have. Examined and dismembered and put back together again to say something new.
New discovery into new feelings and emotions. High emotional states translated into visual form. The perfect conduit for expression of ideas too perverse or too personal or too overwhelming to be explored in mere words. Ecstatically making their way to paper. To textile. To canvas and print and metal. Finding themselves explored in ritual practice. And so it begins again. Ritual. Spiritual. Spirituality. Spirituality found in the practice that I have just begun to cultivate. Planting the seeds and watching it grow before my very eyes.
Questioning and Failing - 25 questions per week over the course of my first semester of the MFA
where and how does identity intersect with spirituality
what is too obscene to be shown in art
what is the line between art and porn
what is the line between tasteful and gaudy
can something be tastefully gaudy
how can we challenge art historical tropes and constructs in art that's made in a contemporary time
have i healed my inner child enough to make work that draws from my childhood
who decides what can/can't be apporporiated
who decides what's 'too holy' to be messed with
how can we queer our chosen media
how can the framing of a work impact the work itself
does our past directly influence the life we currently live
can historical connotations of color be twisted or are they concete
what is considered spiritual
in what ways is art/art making spiritual
how does spirituality shift on a person to person basis
is it possible to completley lack spirituality
why is the male figure shown much less than the female in art
what is reverence
how can the digital interact with the physical
how can adornment be used as empowerment
can repeated use of the same subject be considered print
can repeated use of media/things/ideas ascribe more meaning than a piece of media/thing/idea in singularity
is identity found or assigned
is spirituality found or assigned
when/where is it best to reveal myself
how can my personal experiences have broader relatibility
is the self multiple or singular
how can i create a spirituality rooted in my personal experiences
what deities or entities do i look to
in what ways is my practice repititious, ritualistic, or even obsessive
how does material add context to a work
in what ways can adornment act as armor
how can tradition be played with
is it okay to create anachronisms in art
do anachronisms take meaning away from an artwork
can pornographic material be art
what's the line between clean and dirty
can something be simultaneously clean and dirty
when/where does process become as important as the work itself
how is the layering of identities relfected in the layers of a print
does 'singularity' even exist
can obsession become too obsessive
in what ways can work be performative without being a literal performance
can my artwork be considered a perfromance
is there a time/place for stereotypes
can two opposing ideas or philosophies coexist
is the nude form always pornographic
how does shame come through in my practice
can shame ever be fully overcome
can a singular person be multiple in nature
how is persona constructed
where does alex end and pluto begin
how can an emphasis on framing affect the rest of the work
what narratives/ideas are 'too obscene' for art
is the body always to be revered
can reverence, respect, or even idolization exist in the same space as desecration
how teathered am i to realism and realistic experience
why must everything be literal
can repitition or obsession be an asset
are two seemingly antithetical concepts polar or can they exist on a spectrum
in what ways is light seen in my work
how can i create my own references
is the reality i put forward simply a simulated reality
is anything realy precious
is a limited color pallete an asset or a hinderence
what qualifies as a 'relic'
what rules in 'art making' do i ignore
do i need to start making work as pluto
how can two things combine to create a new idea while still being able to recognize the derivatives
can things glow without physically emitting light
is anything truly original
does my work let me explore things that i've been too anxious to say
what does my idea of perfection look like
am i a narcissist for almost exclusivley making self portraits up to this point
how does obsession play into my work
is obsession an asset or a hinderence
does art showing nudity/the body/nsfw material have to be erotic
am i seperable from the art i create
am i constantly performing myself
can faith/religion/spirituality be based on other (semi-related) ideaologies
why is it important to show the queer body
why is it important to show queer desire
how is being queer seperate from being gay
how much is too much
how kinky is too kinky
how obscene is too obscene
how can i push and break the limits in my work
who sets the limits and expectations i adhere to
are limits made up
why does my body matter
why is desire so tied to shame
how can i relinquish control
is my need for control tied to shame
how do i combine lived and tangentially lived experiences in my work
am i playing into stereotypes of gay promescuity
how can i own stereotypes and wear them with pride
am i a living archive of experiences
can something be reverent and filthy simultaneously
is sex sacred, primal, or a combination of both or none
why is nymphomania always seen as a 'bad' thing
why is being 'perverse' always seen as a 'bad' thing
can i construct a spirituality based in desire, subversion, perversion without it being 'bad'
is anything really 'bad'
who sets the standards for 'badness' and why do we/i adhere so closely to them
how can i use subversion and perversion to combat harmful cycles of (self) rhetoric
how do i preserve safety and wellbeing while investigating such vulnerable ideas
why is art that discusses sex, sexuality, kink, etc always pigeonholed as just erotic
how does community and affinity impact the work i make
is anything i create a self portrait even if not depicting myself
can too much introspection lead to an identity crisis
how close/far am i from an identity crisis
is my art practice my spirituality
how close am i to accidentally starting a cult
are cults always a bad thing
how can i intentionally let go of control
why have i been so (subconsciously) caught up with control
i'm not making trauma porn, am i
is some of my work actual porn
why the fuck is porn always labeled as 'bad'
what even is 'good'
what binaries do i give into
what binaries do i intentionally try to break
am i the same person i was when i started taking art seriously in 2022
how is the evolution of my personhood reflected in my art
is overt sexuality humorous
how can i add a humorous air to more intense work
why do i feel the need to censor/redact some things but not others
can clean and dirty coexist in the same space
can i make an otherwise erotic nude into something to be revered
am i getting too redundant
in what ways is the body a vessel
can my body remember things my mind cant
am i accidentally creating false realities
can two things contradict each other but still make sense
why do i view the body, my body, the way i do
in what ways can i abstract the body while still being concrete and representational
how can i use synechdoche and surrogate bodies
why does body count matter so much
how do i perform my body
what consititutes perfromance
is all of my work performance in some way
is all art we make a direct reflection of who we are
is it important to keep all the ecosystems present in our life seperate
what happens when those ecosystems begin to overlap, merge, or leech inot each other
aside from my art, in what ways do i find spirituality
what happens when those things begin to be explored in my art
am i always 'me' or am i constantly dawning a persona
what does my truest self look like
am i building a new world in my work or altering/commenting on the world i currently occupy
in what ways is my work spatial
how can relativley 2d work step into a 3d world
how can a singular work exist in the 2nd, 3rd, and maybe 4th dimensions simultaneously
in what ways are spaces constructed
can several small things have the same effect as one large thing
does my work have an organized chaos to it
since i make identity based work - is there ever art that is not a self portrait
can i assume or channel an alter ego to make new/different work
if i totally depart in subject is it still my work
if i totally depart in media is it still considered my work
why have i been so reluctant to make art surrounding swimming/athletics when its been such a huge part of my life
how has being an athlete influenced my practice
what am i doing outside the studio to cultivate my practice
why do i feel stunned/held back
is there more merit in being interdisciplinary or having a specialization
can athletics be spiritual
can sex be spiritual
are the things i collect a factor in my work
what role does object play in my work
in what ways can objects be synchedoche or vignettes
what roles do photographs play in my work
is my practice healing my inner child
is my art practice healing my current self
is my work political
is anything really precious
does everything i make have a spiritual influence
how integral is my athlete identity to my practice
how have athletics informed the way i create
what items and articles are most important to me
does my work speak for itself
what role does text play in my art
how can my writing find its way into my work
why haven't i made a book yet
what do i consider to be a book
do i need to write for a book
how can this idea of the mass multiple enable the work that i could create
even if it feels weird - is it okay that i haven't made an edition of prints since being here
if i print on fabric does it remove the work from the realm of printmaking
what contemporary rituals do i partake in
what contemporary rituals can i create
what role does subversion play in ritual
in what ways do rituals appear in my artwork
how can my work exist spatially
how does space factor into ritual
why am i so hung up on 'accurate' portrayal of things
what power exists in 'inaccurate' or 'incorrect' portrayal
am i reaching the people i want to reach
how can portrayal and object play with each other
do i need to stop being as much of a sponge
how can i give myself grace
what is eroticism
can something be erotic without being explicit
what makes something erotic
does eroticism imply a performance
how are eroticism and spirituality in conversation with each other
why do we always see the male nude as erotic
how can eroticism be subverted
how can eroticism be pushed to its limits
how can i be pushed to my limits
what are my bodys limits
what are my spirits limits
what are my minds limits
when is something ever limitless
am i limiting myself by trying to be 'truthfull’ in my subject portrayal
how can i evoke form and feeling without being literal
is there such thing as an 'accurate' interpretation
is my work always informed by tradition - both socioculturally and artistically
can history ever be synthesized without being referential
how can i forge new histories
how can i recontextualize old ones
what is my history, even
how do my materials hold and channel history
how many histories do i have
can history ever be trully erased
what happens when lost histories are found
how can form be evoked without being literal
how can the figure be evoked without portraiture
why am i so attracted to the forms that i used
does my work speak for itself
where does writing fit into my practice
am i a good writer
how can i understate my work to make it stronger
does my work have a level of simplicity
how can print exist spatially
why am i so attracted to the colors that i use
does color always have to mean something
is meaning implicit in my work
why haven't i made a book yet
how can my work exist in book form
can books be an avenue for the 2d to become sculptural
what's considered a book
is the body a book
in what ways are my body a book
what art histories inform the way that i make
why do i love art history so much
why do i feel the need to make everything about myself
am i a control freak
how do i cultivate my practice outside of my studio
what do i want people to think when they see my art
is my work a product of my environment
how does eroticisim function as a tool of subversion
how does subversion most often occur
how can the overt become covert
how can the body be evoked without figures
why do i feel the need to totally uproot and change my practice
am i happy with where my practice currently stands
what do i need
what can i do without
am i doing too much
am i not doing enough
how can i ensure my practice is healthy
how can i evoke my materials' histories
how can i evoke my histories through my materials
do i always need to be locked into my work to be benefiting my practice
what does balance look like
how can i tend to multiple things while i tend to myself
how can i push myself even further
do i currently have an non-physical limitations
have i exhausted any more questions i have
do i have a writing practice or is writing something else for me
how have i changed in just a few short months
what's next
what opprotunities are there for expansion
how can i respectfully dispose of things that no longer serve me
i am where i need to be
